December 2010
6 posts
oneonta: select shorts
I haven’t had much experience in my life with small towns, Christmas, or happy all-American families. I was maybe a little apprehensive on the ride up, but after the first ten minutes, my brain liquified into happy Normal Rockwell mush. There were stockings, cornish hens, and mountains of snow. For four glorious days, my biggest worry was whether or not we’d finish our puzzle before...
i'm back
Manhattan keeps on makin it
brooklyn keeps on takin it
bronx keeps creatin it
and queens keeps on fakin it
merry christmas, everybody
Rules for the Home Alone Drinking Game
Drink whenever…
Macaulay Culkin breaks the fourth wall
The MacCallister’s lawn jockey gets knocked over
Someone drinks a refreshing Pepsi (TM) beverage
Old Man Marley has a look on his face that indicates a secret erection
dispatches from home: the friends
I’d been in San Francisco recently for a friend’s wedding, so it hadn’t been that long since I’d seen everyone from home. But in the time I’d been away, I discovered there’d been a new addition to our friend group. Greg’s creepfuck mustache.
I don’t know what the deal is, I wasn’t in the same room with him long enough to ask. My guess is...
dispatches from home: the family
San Francisco: first leg of my farewell tour. Three days to put in quality time with the fam before I move.
On my first night, my grandma surprises me with a birthday cake. It’s a princess cake, the kind I used to peel the marzipan off of when I was little. I haven’t had one in years.
After I blow out the candles, older family members take turns kissing my cheeks and slipping me...
tuesday
They took down the bathroom signs asking us not to flush tampons down the toilet.
So I flushed one just to check. Nothing terrible happened.
I feel like I just discovered a secret.